And I'll Write Your Name
by Nesma
Summary: Five times when Lily had to endure the rumour mill at Hogwarts. L/J.


**Title: **And I'll Write Your Name  
><strong>Author<strong>: Nesma  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Not mine.  
><strong>AN:** Because I thoroughly enjoyed Blank Spaces by Taylor Swift and I would be lying if I didn't think that Lily Evans was some version of TSwift. Feel free to find me at Tumblr at writingsrosesandcoffee.

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><p><strong>One <strong>

"She's _mental _– cries all the time! I mean, who does that?" Came the harsh voice of Jacob Cormer, a fourth year Ravenclaw, as he walked with his friends. All of them agreed haughtily, and one even felt the need to add, "She's not even _that _pretty." Only one bothered to look over his shoulder as they rounded a corner, but he still missed the redhead that was standing in the middle of the hallway in shock.

The truth was that Lily Evans, a third year, had already spent the majority of Sunday crying her eyes out until they were rimmed red and swollen shut by her tears. How could she _not _cry? It was her first real heart break. She had thought Jacob was cute since her first year. She found excuses to run into him in the hallways and had requested his help to fetch a book on the high shelf of the library more than once. She thought it was love.

And of course, Lily was a pretty third year. And as Lily was able to banter back with him in the library, he was quick to ask her to her first Hogsmeade date. All of Lily's friends were _thrilled _of course that Lily had an older boy who was going to show her around Hogsmeade. And Lily was on cloud nine during their date, hand holding, blushing every so often, and she even got her first kiss near the shrieking shack.

It was perfect.

Until she realized that she didn't like the way his hands crushed hers. She didn't like how he interrupted her on a daily basis. She simply didn't like that his emotional range was one of a teaspoon. Lily cried. _A lot. _Some of her tears were out of frustration over homeworks (short spells) and others were from pure joy (Gryffindor winning the match _was _something to happy cry about). And she didn't like the fact that he viewed it as 'childish' or 'girly' that she did so.

Of _course _she broke up with him. Why wouldn't she? And after practicing her speech to her friends, to her mirror, and even writing out the speech to her mother… she finally gathered the courage to break things off with Jacob.

And yes, she was sad. Just because she was the dumper (not the dumpee as these rumours implied) doesn't mean she wasn't sad about it. She was thirteen and it felt like her entire love life had crumbled in a million pieces; an unfixable mess.

Jacob thought it would be funny to highlight her as the 'crazy' ex. And Hogwarts had no shame of spreading that little lie around…

"Don't listen to them."

Lily turned around to find James Potter right behind her. His glasses were crooked, his robes splattered in mudd, and he clutched his quidditch gloves in one hand while the other was tugging on his book bag.

"Hard not to, telling everyone who'll listen that I cry over everything-" Lily murmured, clutching the strap of her bag tighter as her eyes welled up with tears.

And here she thought she was done with crying.

"So? He's a prat. Besides, he'll be crying by the time the Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor match comes along. Believe me Evans, he'll be the one sobbing."

"Gryffindor winning would cheer me up-"

"Evans, you offend me, really. I was thinking more of a rogue bludger hitting him in the face or a quaffle that spectacularly misses the hoops-"

"You wouldn't." Lily said, a grin crossing her face as James' chest puffed out with pride.

"Wouldn't I? Guess we'll find out." James said, winking and slugging his bag over his shoulder. Quick to walk away (and trip over his robes) as Lily laughed.

There were no rogue bludgers or quaffles, but Gryffindor won and Lily felt as if her heart was on the path of mending.

Plus, Jacob _did _look like he could burst into tears over the match. And that was something to cheer about.

**Two **

"She's a complete bitch. Merlin, she has to yell about _everything._"

Lily had to take a deep breath. Closing her eyes shut and taking a deep breath through her nose as her hands gripped (and snapped) her quill cleanly in half.

"Ignore them." Came the whisper of Remus, his hand covering hers as he took away the broken quill. As soon as his hand left her own, Lily snapped her eyes open and leaned in towards Remus.

"They are _gossiping _in the library about my love life with Edward. And they don't know _half _of it-"

"You blowing up in the library will only make matters _worse-" _

"I'm aware of that." Lily snarled, and Remus backed away. Clearly offended as he raised his eyebrows and focused his eyes back to the essay in front of him.

Lily rolled her eyes and grabbed a second quill, stabbing it in the ink pot before writing in the margins.

"Sorry. I've been a little on edge since the breakup." She murmured, though she could still taste the bitterness in her voice.

"Didn't notice." Remus said, and Lily snuck a look to see him smirking to himself as Lily rolled her eyes. More playful this time as she shook her head.

"It's not my fault that the only way to grab his attention was to literally yell at him."

"Sounds like Potter and Black. I sometimes feel like I'm the battered father that spends my time chasing around the sons." Remus said, shuffling his papers in front of him as Lily bit her lip.

"It's not even that though… Potter and Black can get distracted… but Edward made it a point to just ignore me. He'd be flirting with some girl and even if I tapped him on the shoulder he'd ignore me. It was only when I _shouted _his name that he'd turn around all shocked and go," And Lily took on a deeper tone, "'Oh. Uh. Sorry. Couldn't hear you. Don't need to shout though.'" Remus snorted with laughter as Lily smiled, though it felt more like a grimace.

Lily is in the middle of the library, fourth year exams were coming up and most professors decided to 'seize the opportunity to replicate the O.W.L.s' setting to best prepare the students'. Professor Slughorn was particularly excited about the chance to show the students the environment in which they would take their exams next year.

Lily thought the whole thing was bullocks and would rather _not _write this damn essay. But alas, here she was in the library, days after her latest breakup, trying with every might not to go over to the gossiping Slytherins and give them a piece of her mind.

The frustrating part? She could hardly be mad at them for gossiping. The entire breakup happened in the main corridor. Lily, of course, shouted at him angrily as he weakly tried to defend himself. He failed and she was able to turn on her heels to scurry up to the Gryffindor tower.

And people assumed that she had an anger problem, when in reality, she really had an Edward problem. You see, Edward was one of those blokes who would marry his own reflection if he could. He spent more time in front of the mirror than any person Lily knew. She felt like she was competing against himself for his attention. And if he wasn't marveling at his hair or nails, he was chatting to some witch about the latest in Slughorn's class (he was in the Slug club and made it a point to flaunt it). It was as if he was always looking for someone better than Lily. Always peering above her head after kissing her quickly to see if a model just appeared behind her.

And he always pretended he couldn't hear. He treated Lily as if she was some annoying fly that he'd swat at every so often, hoping to scare it away. Weeks of Lily raising her voice, trying to capture his attention… the whole ordeal was exhausting. And the final straw was when she had shouted his name and he still hadn't turned around.

It was only when Lily screamed about breaking up and dumping him that he noticed. But by then, it was far too late. And though Lily thought the rumour mill would be more curious as to why the public breakup went down, he seemed to be getting a lot more sympathy than she did.

"Think the rumours will stop?" Lily asked and Remus looked up from his paper, the rings around his eyes pronounced in the flickering candles.

"I do. I wouldn't worry about Edward. He's a prat and everyone knows that. It's only a matter of time before he messes another relationship with another great gal." Remus said, giving her a weak smile and Lily felt her lips turning into a genuine smile. No more snarling for her.

Lily turned her head back to her notes, the parchment was torn in areas where her quill punctured her essay. And though there were a few more tears in the essay, it was far less than before.

**Three **

"Haven't you heard? Her and Snape may be an item!"

"No way. Isn't she going out with that Robert bloke?"

"He found them _together_."

Lily was dumbfounded in the girl's lavatory, sitting on the toilet as she used a sleeve to wipe away the silent tears on her face. She choked back a sob as the chattering third years walked away, the door clicking quietly and Lily was alone. At last.

Lily was a lot of things, but a cheater was something that she could never be. But it was rather unfortunate that she had started to date the most jealous seventh year ever. Robert Grant. A pretty boy from Hufflepuff. He had black hair, and brown eyes that Lily could get lost in. His eyelashes were longer than hers and she was envious. Her mother always told her to go with older boys, and the fact that he was two years older than her made her think that she found _the one. _

He whispered sweet words of how hard he fell. How he felt like those who drank a love potion or those who fell under a powerful charm. She would laugh at his antics and he always hugged her from behind. His arms providing a sense of comfort, and Lily always turned her head so that she was resting on of them. They must have looked positively nauseating to everyone, but to her? They were in their own small world and she wasn't about to let anyone throw rocks at them.

Though, if she had bothered to look anywhere else than his eyes, she would have realized that his hands were usually in fists; pearly white around the knuckles, sometimes shaking with anger. He never hit her, but he knew how to cut her down in words. If she had bothered to listen to the message of his lines, rather than the words, she would have realized sooner that this was a relationship ready to explode.

At first, she thought it was sweet that he cared so much about her. The fact that he noticed that her skirt was shorter than usual and that she spent quite a bit of time around Severus. He made it sound as if he was concerned about her safety when he was really only concerned about his _property. _

And it took her _months _to realize it. She was humiliated. She had prided herself on being a witch able to stand her own ground but she still got swept away by a boy. He used his pretty words and lingering hold, and Lily followed eagerly. She distanced herself away from Remus and her male friends and she altered what she wore a bit. Not too much, because even in her delusional state she still felt like she was in control, but enough to make a difference for him and for her friends to notice.

Severus was unhappy, that was for sure, but he was smart enough to not say anything to her. She had lashed out on him enough with his latest bonding sessions with known Death Eaters. Bringing up Robert would be suicidal to their friendship. So he frowned whenever he spotted the dried tears. But he never said anything.

He was never a Gryffindor.

Her friends, bless them, tried their best to talk her down. They had more courage to bring the truth out to the light. But Lily would have none of it. She couldn't stand to listen to their logic and reason. So she literally covered her ears as they shouted at her. They stopped, and one even went as far as to stop talking to her.

But the others were always there when Lily came in, stumbling from the latest emotional assault. They were there when she cried herself to sleep. They were there, wordlessly patting on her back as she wailed about the relationship. And perhaps, it was just as painful for them to watch their friend collapse under the weight of it all. But Lily would always remember the sigh of relief when she told them that she wanted to leave, she wanted an out, that she was going to break up with him.

_Finally._ They all seemed to say, with their smiles and hugs as she went to bed that night. But she never imagined that it would be so hard to leave.

The first attempt, he insulted her. Claiming that she never cared for him the way he loved her. It resulted in a makeup session that Lily instantly regretted. A few days later, she went in for the kill, making sure that her ties to him were severed beyond belief.

At first, he tried to pull the same emotional bullshit that he did before. But when his attempts failed, he automatically went to the most atrocious lie possible: she was cheating on him with Severus.

Lily denied it. Of course she did. It was ludicrous in her mind. Sev was like a brother to her. And Robert _knew _that. She told him how Sev discovered she was magical, how they spent summer days practicing with magic and laying in the sun. Robert, at the start of the relationship, thought it was a cute image. But later on, he used it as evidence of her infidelity. He threaten to expose the 'truth' to the school. Lily scoffed, there was no _way _a rumour like that would survive. She was counting on the fact that Sev hung around people that would rather see her dead than alive.

But she was, of course, wrong. Robert had no problem telling his friends and anyone in the common room that night that he had walked in on Lily and Sev. And people had no qualms about taking sides. Shamming Lily to the point that she felt safer in a toilet stall between classes before staggering late into her own classes, at least students didn't have the guts to shoot her a judgmental look in McGonagall's class.

Sighing, rubbing her face, she stood up and left her stall. She even tiptoed to the door, as if worried that someone else was here (even though she knew there wasn't). Of course, her luck, she walked out the door, looking to her left and not straight ahead. She bumped into James Potter.

"Sorry." She mumbled, immediately averting her eyes and crossed her arms as she turned in the right direction. James matched her pace by her side. Turns out she wasn't the only one going to be late that day.

"You're fine." James said quietly, tucking his hands into his pockets. From the corner of her eyes, she spotted him gazing down at her before averting his own gaze. He had grown taller throughout the years and he easily towered over her. His glasses were still crooked.

"You know, I just want to say, I don't believe the rumours. I've seen the work that Robert does on the field… he can be nasty." James said quickly, the words tumbling over themselves. Lily looked at him, shocked at the blush on his cheeks.

"That's… that's nice of you to say considering that I'm the Hogwarts scarlet woman-" Lily mumbled, but was cut off by James.

"People like dramatic stories. People will believe anything, even stories with little evidence." James said coolly. "People like to whisper but they'll soon stop, there is no way that the rumour about you and Snape will continue. Avery is doing _everything _in his power to distance Snape and you-"

"I know. I can't talk to Sev apparently. I'll ruin his reputation or something." Lily said bitterly, her mouth turning into a snarl and James looked down at her.

"What an idiot." He said angrily, kicking a bit at the ground and Lily nodded. She felt the same way.

"I know."

"Well, at least there is always a quidditch match against Hufflepuff and you know, my aiming has gotten worse with my eyesight-"

"Potter, don't you _dare _get yourself thrown off of the quidditch team on my behalf. Just make sure to beat them, will you?" Lily snapped, yanking the door of the classroom open as she stomped inside. If she had bothered to wait a few seconds, she would have hard the cocky tone of James telling her not to worry, that he's _got_ this. But the words died in his throat and he grinned a little too broadly for Professor McGonagall's taste. As _if _he'd get thrown off the team.

Gryffindor creamed Hufflepuff in the first ten minutes of the match. Snitch caught in record time. A record that would only be broken by a Harry Potter in years to come (but that's a different story).

A month later, no one believed the rumour about Lily and Snape.

After all, and everyone agreed, you'd have to be daft to shag someone who called you _mudblood _in front of the entire school.

**Fourth**

"She's been with so many blokes. She's used to having them act a certain way. She's pretty manipulative."

"Merlin, is he _still _telling people that sob story?" Lily snapped at Remus as they walked down the hallway, passing the gawking second years. Both Lily and Remus clutched stacks and stacks of books, each trying not to topple forward. Remus shrugged the best he could.

"I couldn't care less what Henry had to say about you. That relationship lasted only a month-"

"Yeah and he's telling everyone that I manipulated him into it! As if I would make a potion or a charm. He's not worth it." Lily scoffed as her arms started to shake.

"I would agree, but then again, I don't think very highly of this particular Gryffindor." Remus mumbled as his stack wobbled.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I just can't believe he's trying to use my dating history against me. Sorry I know what I want and what I _don't _want. And I certainly don't want to deal with his piss attitude and gloomy outlook on women." Lily snapped, puffing some hair out of her eyes as Remus laughed.

"Don't fret Lily, he'll shut up. They always do."

"Remus, you make it sound as if I _poison _them or something." Lily whined, allowing her self to throw a self-pity party.

"Don't be ridiculous. We all know that you charm them." Remus said, laughing at his own weak joke as Lily took two steps to knock into him. His laughter stopped short as he moved with the wobbling tower of books to steady of them.

"Careful Lily, we know that you could use my help with Defense…" Remus said, his eyes traveling up the shaking books.

"Good thing you're rubbish at Potions then. Match made in heaven." Lily said, grinning at Remus as he bit his lip in concentration as he steadied the stack in his arms.

"Right then. Let's get back to the common room. I think Prongs will _murder _me if I don't give him my outline for Defense." Remus said, his eyes snapped to Lily as she laughed, nodding her head.

"It is amusing to see him sweat over the exams. But yes, it would be rude to deprive our study session of these books." Lily said, and the pair wobbled and hobbled back to the common room.

**Five**

"You're mental – no one in the whole wide world has this many quills to colour code their agenda! Evans, you're mental." James said, dropping this quills on the Head's desk and they rolled in every direction.

"Coming from the bloke who has to clean his broom twice a day or otherwise he risks losing a match…" Lily said, looking up from the papers in her arm and James swiveled in his chair so that he was facing her.

"Careful Evans, how else am I going to win you honour? After all, we all know that you only agreed to date me because of my brilliant moves on the field." James said, leaning forward and in one swift movement, Lily had discarded the papers on the desk and he pulled her close.

"I thought it was because you wanted to see if the rumours were true." Lily said, biting down on her lip as she fell neatly into his lap, her legs dangling over the arms of the chair as James' arms circled around her.

"Oh no, Evans, I _know _the rumours are true. You really are a huge cry baby with an _awful _temper tantrum. And you're such a two timer, I've seen you cheat on your sugar quills." James said in a knowing matter, his eyebrows raising as Lily threw her head back and laughed. "You think the chocolate frogs don't see your elaborate, manipulative scheme to get your cake _and _eat it too? I mean, how could the rumours not be true?" James whispered, scooting close to whisper into her ear. His serious tone and frivolous talk make Lily giddy with excitement. The breath on her ear made her squirm but not because of the words he was whispering.

"But I guess it makes sense to have the most talked about witch in the History of Hogwarts go out with the most dashing, handsome, smartest wizard." James murmured against her neck, his lips brushing against her neck until he _finally _gave her a small kiss at her pulse. And Lily gripped the chair a bit tighter because he _knew _that was her weakness.

"Hm, I guess I'll have to see if the rumours about this wizard is true then." Lily whispered back, licking her lips unconsciously as she quickly swung her legs such that she was straddling James. She quickly pulled her hair into a pony tail as James leaned back, clearly enjoying the view.

"I promise you, they are." James said huskily, his eyes gazed at her body as Lily leaned forward, planting a kiss on his lips and it was only a matter of seconds before James was clawing at her back while her hands was in his hair.

"We'll see about that." Lily whispered in his ear, his hands under her shirt as her hands worked at his tie. Because, as Lily knew, there was always a hint of truth in every rumour. And the ones about James haven't disappointed her yet.

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